Can You Tell Me what You Want..?

"I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want…"  (The Spice Girls) 

I never thought I'd be using Spice Girls lyrics as the basis for one of my Coaching Tips, but for the purposes of this tip this particular line is spot on! 

The start of the New Year is traditionally a time when we turn our thoughts to making changes in our lives.  Clearly, at the heart of this process lies the most fundamental of questions:  What do I want – what do I really want?  It's surprising how many people find this most question SO hard to answer.  In fact, it's one of the reasons why many people decide to work with a Life Coach – to help them become clearer about what they actually do want in life.  This is so frequently clouded by what they think they ought to want – or what other people tell them they should want – that they've completely lost track of what would truly make them feel happy, fulfilled and productive.   Not only that, but the vision of what they would really love to do, be or have may be obscured by clouds of doubt, fear and insecurity.

One of the tricks I've learned is that it's often a lot easier to identify what we DON'T want.  Once we're clear on that, all we need to do is to flip it over to get a clearer sense of what we do… 

For example, if you're struggling with a specific issue – let's say you're finding it difficult to articulate what kind of job you really want – or what kind of relationship would make you really happy – I'd bet that if I asked you to tell me all the things you didn't want you'd be able to give me a long list.

So, using the same examples, here's an exercise to try:

Write a detailed description of your "Job From Hell" or your "Relationship From Hell".  What are the aspects of a job or relationship that you positively KNOW you wouldn't want or would make you thoroughly miserable?  Then simply flip the items on your list over to get an indication of what would make you happy.


© Annabel Sutton Coaching Tips 2009 

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